Mental Illnesses are Real

May was Mental Health Awareness Month! However, I’m only just getting to post this because I wasn’t sure how to get my feelings and thoughts down on paper. 

First of all, Mental Illness is very real. Depression, anxiety and all other forms can appear at any time, anywhere. Don’t judge others for what they are feeling, and don’t spread the hate. Sometimes those going through blips in their life just need a little reassurance that someone out there cares. 

Everyone suffers from these demons once in their lifetime, sometimes it’s there all the time.  It appears in all forms, and not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same mental illness. Some folk aren’t even officially diagnosed by a doctor or seek help. Some use social media as an outlet, in the hopes that someone would listen and bring you back to you. 

I for one use the latter. Social media has been a great help to me and I have been able to talk to some like minded people, who bring me up and out of the depressive hole I can get myself into. 

I don’t suffer from depression at the moment. But, I do have dips in mood, and constantly judging myself and thinking I am no good. I am an overthinker as tend to think of the negatives before the positives. I get anxiety from the littlest of things and this post is one of them. Which is why it has taken me so long to hit that ‘publish’ button. 

Sometimes, I let my emotions rule me and I ended up saying things I do not mean. My brain just has no clue how to stop. I have tried for years to change the way my brain thinks but to no avail, I always end up back into that deep hole. 

I’m always one for thinking the worst. I always think that people are judging me or are purposely not including me in things. I always overthink and I always end up saying something I don’t mean, and then my anxiety sky rockets because I know I shouldn’t have said it. I never know how to fix it and then I end up just disappearing for a few days until I can get my mind back to it’s normal self again. 

I’ve been a victim of self harm and suicidal thoughts. But, that was when I was in my late teens, and I am glad to say that I’m over that period. I don’t know and I can’t explain why. I never had anyone who understood and hid it away from a lot of people. I don’t even think my mom or sister knows. I didn’t have a smart phone back then, so social media was still kinda new. I think Facebook only came out in 2007! Or at least that was when I made my account. 

I go through phases when I know my own family don’t want me around. I over think and just end up back in that hole. Because well, who does want me around? I sure wouldn’t. 

I’m a very jealous person. I suffer a lot from jealousy and I always have done since I was a child. I don’t know where these tendencies came from, but I am working my hardest to eradicate these feelings. It’s something which keeps dragging me back down.  

I’m not really sure what the point of this post is. I guess it’s just showing you an insight of my mind. I guess I’m just trying to say that just because someone looks happy on the outside, it doesn’t mean they are on the inside. 

Please don’t hate me if I ever go through a blip. I guess a blip is what I like to call it. I’m trying my absolute hardest. 

‘till next time, 

Halfbloodpixie. aka Kelly